


Ride eternal, shiny and chrome

by strawberry_cupcakes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: All the Mad Max Fury Road references, Clint Barton shenanigans, Dragons, M/M, Mission banter, Pre-Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Tony and Steve make brief cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4810100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_cupcakes/pseuds/strawberry_cupcakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since he had watched the latest Mad Max movie, Clint Barton had taken to shouting "Witness me!" mid-battle.</p><p>Phil Coulson was unsure of whether he found the whole thing adorable or infuriating. Adorable because, well, it showed how much of a giant dork Clint Barton was. And infuriating because it was usually followed by the archer doing something astronomically idiotic and dangerous, like jumping off a tall building or facing a raging Bilgesnipe head on or -</p><p> </p><p>"WITNESS ME!"</p><p>"GODDAMIT BARTON."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ride eternal, shiny and chrome

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever! Any and all constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated :)

Ever since he had watched the latest Mad Max movie, Clint Barton had taken to shouting "Witness me!" mid-battle.

Phil Coulson was unsure of whether he found the whole thing adorable or infuriating. Adorable because, well, it showed how much of a giant dork Clint Barton was. And infuriating because it was usually followed by the archer doing something astronomically idiotic and dangerous, like jumping off a tall building or facing a raging Bilgesnipe head on or -

 

"WITNESS ME!"

"GODDAMIT BARTON."

 

After they had learned of Phil's not-so-dead status, the Avengers had begun working with SHIELD, or what remained of it, on a regular basis. The Avengers would usually fight the villain of the week while SHIELD operatives provided ground support, with Director Phil Coulson leading the charge from headquarters.

Most of the Avengers were quite easy to work with; Steve (and boy did being on a first name basis with Captain America make Phil's inner fanboy squeal with delight) was a consummate professional in the field while Stark at least had Jarvis to keep him in check. Both Thor and the Hulk were fine on their own, and he'd worked quite closely with Natasha for years while he was a senior handler in the old SHIELD so they were usually on the same flow. Clint Barton though, Phil had only worked with Barton on a handful of assignments, the most prominent being Thor's arrival in New Mexico. Phil was used to Barton being a little quirky, he used a bow and arrow for Christ's sake. But this was getting a little out of hand.

Today had Clint Barton, master assassin, Avenger and a downright pain in Phil Coulson's ass - because as much as he liked the archer, Phil was pretty sure his heart was going to call it quits (permanently, this time) if Clint Barton pulled one more death-defying stunt - plummeting from the Empire State Building without a grappling hook. Phil's eyes were glued to the screen as the archer twisted his body and somehow landed on one of the giant dragon-like creatures that were flying around. Phil briefly marveled at how Barton was able to calculate his trajectory so quickly to ensure a safe landing on a moving target when it registered in Phil's mind that Clint Barton had just jumped off the Empire State Building. Without a grappling hook. To land on a flying dragon.

 

"Barton, just once could you restrain from jumping off a building?"

"Aw, c'mon boss, where's the fun in that? Besides, I never miss. And even if I did, someone would catch me."

"We might just conveniently forget to, Katniss. Just once would be enough." Stark huffed as he flew past the archer, who was using some rope and doing something that looked like -

"Barton, are you tying a harness around that dragon?" Phil had thought jumping off the Empire State Building was going to be the craziest thing Clint Barton did today but no, he'd apparently spoken too fast.

"Yes...?"

"Let me rephrase. WHY are you tying a harness around that dragon?"

"Because I need to...? Bessie here would be a whole lot easier to handle if I had a way of controlling her."

"Bessie?"

"Well, I thought it'd be rude of me to ride her and not give her a name, being the gentleman that I am."

 

Phil watched as Barton somehow tied a makeshift harness and a pair of reins around the dragon and began maneuvering it towards the giant tower in the middle of Bryant Park that had sprouted with the appearance of the dragons. Stark and Thor had tried to approach the tower, as it seemed to be where these dragons were being controlled from, but had been repelled by some kind of invisible barrier that only the dragons could pass through. Suddenly, Barton's actions were all starting to make sense.

As he approached the barrier, Barton looked directly into the nearest camera - of course, of course he knew exactly where SHIELD surveillance cameras were located - and gave the biggest grin as he cried,

"WITNESS ME!"

With that, Barton passed seamlessly through the barrier and dropped down into the only open window at the top of the tower. Now all Phil could do was refocus his attention back to the others and hope that Barton knew what he was doing.

 

He didn't have to wait long though. A few moments later, the tower slightly shimmered before it disappeared, leaving Clint Barton standing on a park bench holding what looked to be a disgruntled mad scientist by the scruff of his neck. With the tower went the dragons, leaving small plastic figurines in their wake.

 

"Well that was pretty anticlimactic."

"Tony."

"What? Hours of crowd control and dodging fire-breathing dragons ends with a crazy idiot being held like some furious kitten by Katniss? C'mon Cap. The least I could have gotten was one of those dragons to keep as a prize. Hey, Jarvis, do you think we could figure out how to bring one of the dragons back? I kinda grew attached to the green one that was chasing me."

Stark continued to babble on as the rest of them converged on Barton's location. A team of SHIELD agents were already leading the handcuffed man away.

 

Phil straightened his tie as the agents around him began clearing up the work space. "Good job, Avengers. I'll meet you in an hour for your debrief. Barton, good work on figuring out how to get past the barrier."

"Thanks sir, are you staying for dinner after the debrief? It's my turn to pick what we're eating for our 'Yay we didn't die today' post-battle meal. I was thinking of ordering from that Italian place two streets down. You like their cannelloni, right?"

"That is a horrible name for your meal. But yes, I will be staying for dinner. Cannelloni sounds wonderful right now." Phil's mouth began to water at the thought. He was pleasantly surprised that Barton remembered Phil telling him that that restaurant was one of his favorites and their cannelloni was the best he'd ever had. But before anything else, there was one last thing on his agenda.

 

"Oh and Barton? You are awaited."

The archer looked puzzled for a moment before he caught on to the reference and a smile bloomed across hi face.

"Am I awaited?"

"You will ride eternal, shiny and chrome to the gates of... Medical. The doctors will be awaiting you with open arms. Don't think I don't see you hiding that burn on your forearm."

"Aw, boss, no. I'm totally fine."

"Ride eternal, war boy, and get yourself to Medical, or I, myself, will carry you through the tent flaps of the medical station."

 

Barton barked out a laugh and began heading towards the makeshift tent that had been set up by SHIELD medical personnel. Before he took out his comms, Barton grinned, knowing full well that Phil could see him, and said,

"Now that, I wouldn't mind."


End file.
